Why Your Baby Cries at Bedtime – And What You Can Do About It
You’ve done everything “right.”
The routine is calm and consistent. Your baby is fed, changed, the lights are low… but then, just as you slip them into their sleep sack or head toward the cot, the tears begin.
It can be hard to hear. And confusing.
What are you missing? Are they uncomfortable? Not tired enough? Is something wrong—or are you doing something wrong?
Let me gently reassure you:
Crying at bedtime is incredibly common
It doesn’t mean you’ve failed
And often, there’s a small shift you can make that helps
In this blog, we’ll gently unpack why babies cry as bedtime approaches and what you can do to support them through it, while staying calm, connected, and responsive.
Crying Is Communication
Babies cry because that’s how they tell us something. It doesn’t always mean something is “wrong” but it does mean they need us.
For many babies, bedtime is a big transition. The day is ending, separation is coming, and all the stimulation of the day is starting to land.
Some babies need a good cry to release that tension. Others are triggered by a specific step in the bedtime routine. And some just need a little tweak in timing or environment to help sleep come more easily.
The key is to gently observe when the tears start and what might be causing them.
Common Reasons Babies Cry at Bedtime
Here are some of the most common triggers I see in both my coaching work and my years of experience with families:
They’re crying in anticipation of milk
Some babies cry not because they’re hungry right now, but because they know a feed is coming and they want it now. It’s a mix of impatience, anticipation, and the comfort they associate with feeding.
Try offering the feed earlier in the routine if they’re getting worked up waiting.
Or split the feed - offer part earlier, and finish just before settling.
Or simply accept that this is their way of saying, “Hurry up with the milk, please!” and stay calm as you get to that part of the routine.
This kind of crying is often more about comfort and timing than a problem to solve and once the milk arrives, it usually settles quickly.
Separation anxiety
From around 6–9 months and again later in babyhood, it’s very normal for your baby to become more clingy at bedtime. They don’t understand where you’re going or if you’ll come back.
Try a consistent goodbye ritual (a lullaby, a cuddle, a soft phrase like “Night night, I’ll see you soon”) and consider introducing a comfort item that smells like you.
Spending a little extra connection time earlier in the routine can help, too.
If this feels like a big theme right now, I have blog on separation anxiety and baby sleep explores it more deeply with gentle tips to help your baby feel safe and supported.
A Parent's Guide to Managing Baby Separation Anxiety and Sleep
White noise or sleep associations feel like a warning sign
If your baby starts crying as soon as the white noise turns on, it might be acting as a “cue” for separation rather than comfort.
Try putting white noise on earlier in the routine before you go into the bedroom or while feeding, so it’s not an abrupt cue that sleep is coming.
The sleep sack or cot is a trigger
If your baby cries when the sleep sack goes on, it could be the feel of it or it could be the association with being put down alone.
Try using the sleep sack earlier in the routine while cuddling or feeding to shift the association.
If it’s sensory-related, test a different fabric or a slightly warmer or cooler room.
The bedroom itself feels unfamiliar or stressful
Babies are incredibly tuned in to their environment. If they cry the moment you step into the room, there may be a negative association or it could simply be too stark or quiet.
Use dim lighting, speak softly, and bring in familiar smells or sounds.
Try spending time during the day in the room and bringing elements of the bedtime routine into the room (e.g. feeding or cuddling in the bedroom, rather than moving rooms at the end).
The timing is off (too much or too little sleep pressure)
Babies who aren’t tired enough may cry out of frustration. Babies who are too tired may cry out of overwhelm.
Keep a short sleep log to see if bedtime needs a small shift earlier or later. Even just shifting timings by 15 to 20 minutes can help sometimes.
Aim for enough “wind down” time beforehand - don’t rush from busy play into sleep.
If your baby tends to fall asleep and then wake soon after bedtime, you might be dealing with what’s known as a false start. I have a blog on how to handle false starts and help your baby sleep more soundly.
Understanding and Managing False Starts in Baby Sleep
They’re releasing emotion
Some babies have a natural tendency to cry at bedtime - not because anything is wrong, but because they’re letting go of the day. It can be their way of releasing tension, especially if they’ve been overstimulated or had a lot going on.
If you find that nothing seems to settle them - feeding, rocking, cuddling - it may be that they’re simply “overcooked.” In these moments, the goal isn’t to stop the crying, but to help them release it in a safe, supported way.
Try soothing strategies that boost oxytocin and connection, like skin-to-skin, gentle massage, or even a little giggle-inducing tickle.
Most importantly, hold them close, stay calm, and be their steady presence. They don’t need you to fix it, they just need you to be with them in it.
What Can You Do to Help?
Here are some gentle, practical things you can try:
Observe the Routine But Don’t Expect One Specific Trigger
Bedtime tears don’t always show up in the same place.
Some babies cry at the start of the routine (as soon as you enter the bedroom), others in the middle (when the sleep sack goes on), and some only cry once they’re put down. And sometimes? It changes night to night.
This doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong - it just means your baby is working through a big transition in their own way.
Instead of looking for one “problem step,” try softening each part of the routine with connection and calm.
Go slowly. Watch for patterns but trust that inconsistency is normal too.
Create more connection earlier
If you’ve got a bit of a Velcro baby at bedtime - always wanting to stay close - try spending a few extra minutes cuddling, singing, or even babywearing before starting the wind-down. Topping up their “love cup” can make it easier for them to settle when it’s time for sleep.
And just to reassure you - responding to your baby’s need for closeness doesn’t make them clingy. You’re not spoiling them. It’s impossible to spoil a baby! You’re helping them feel safe.
Use consistent cues
Babies thrive on predictability. Using the same phrase, sound, or gesture before you put them down helps them feel more secure.
e.g. “Night night, sleep tight. I love you.”
Even if they don’t understand the words yet, they understand the rhythm and the tone of your voice.
Stay calm and responsive
Crying doesn’t mean you need to rush or fix. Sometimes, just sitting by the cot with a gentle hand or soft hum is enough to say: “I’m here. You’re safe.”
This builds trust, and over time, that trust turns into calmer bedtimes.
Final Thoughts
Your baby isn’t crying because you’ve done something wrong.
They’re crying because bedtime is a big shift and you are their safe place to process that shift.
So instead of trying to “fix” the tears, try being curious about them.
What are they telling me?
What happens if I change the order or soften the cue?
How can I support them through this moment without needing them to stop crying straight away?
You’ve got this. And if bedtime still feels overwhelming, gentle support is here whenever you’re ready.
If bedtime still feels stressful and you’re not sure what to try next, you don’t have to figure it out alone.
I offer 1:1 sleep support designed to meet you where you are - with gentle, responsive strategies that work with your baby’s needs and your instincts.
Let’s make bedtime calmer, together.
