What I Wish I Knew as a First-Time Mum – Real Advice from 25 Years On
It’s been 25 years since I first became a mum.
A quarter of a century!
And honestly?
I still remember the sheer weight of it - the physical ache, the emotional whiplash, and the wild new reality of caring for this tiny human who was somehow mine.
It was exciting. Terrifying. Relentless.
All in equal measure.
And absolutely nothing like I’d expected.
There was no social media.
No WhatsApp group chats. No Instagram reels full of advice.
I had a brick of a mobile phone - calls and texts only (if you know, you know!).
It felt like it was just me, my baby, and the overwhelming feeling that I had to figure it all out right now.
Looking back, here’s what I’d say to that younger version of me—and to every new mum who’s in the thick of it today.
Those First Days Hit Like a Freight Train
The birth didn’t go to plan (do they ever?). I was sore, overwhelmed, and completely shell-shocked.
Breastfeeding support?
A single midwife, passing my bed, briefly helped me latch my baby on. That was it. I felt like I’d been thrown into the deep end and told to swim - with a smile.
I remember sitting there, holding my baby girl, thinking: I’m the grown-up now. I’m the one keeping her safe. Feeding her. Figuring out what all these cries mean.
It was a lot.
And that magical “rush of love” everyone talks about? It didn’t hit me straight away. And for a long time, I thought that meant I was doing it wrong.
Now I know: love doesn’t have to be instant to be real.
I Was Desperate to Get It Right
I thought that if I followed all the “right” steps - feed on demand but still stick to routines, sleep when the baby sleeps (ha!) but also keep on top of everything...
I know - impossible!
But back then, I felt like that was the only way to feel in control.
And honestly?
I like control. I like knowing what’s happening next. Predictability is my comfort zone.
But with a baby? Forget it.
Nothing about those early weeks (or months…) was predictable. Just when I thought I’d cracked it, she’d change the game.
Spoiler: I didn’t feel in control. Because no matter how carefully I tried to plan the day, she didn’t always cooperate.
She fed when I was trying to leave the house. She cried when she was “supposed” to be napping. She threw every routine out the window.
It didn’t mean I was failing.
It meant I had a baby.
And very few babies do what they’re “meant” to.
Read some gentle, practical ways to feel more in charge of your baby’s sleep here
I Didn’t Miss Her When She Slept
I often hear mums say they’d stare at their sleeping baby, missing them the moment they finally nodded off.
That wasn’t me.
When she slept, I felt relief. It was a pause.
A chance to sit down, maybe eat something, or just breathe without someone needing me.
And if you feel that way too - it doesn’t make you a bad mum.
It makes you human.
Everyone Had an Opinion - But None of Them Knew My Baby
From the moment I became a mum, the advice started rolling in - solicited or not.
Feed her more. Feed her less.
Don’t pick her up too quickly. Never let her cry.
It was constant.
But what I learned, slowly and sometimes painfully, is this:
No one knows your baby like you do.
Not the book. Not your neighbour. Not even the experts (and yes, that includes people like me).
You can’t get it “right” by following everyone else’s rules.
Because your baby isn’t a rule book. They’re a person. And you’re their person.
If you’re doubting that right now, here’s something that might help:
Understanding baby sleep: trusting your instincts and tuning out the noise
Leaving the House Deserved a Medal
Even a simple walk to the shops took military-level planning: nappies, wipes, spare clothes, muslins, pram rain cover and snacks.
So many snacks - for me. Breastfeeding made me ravenous!
And even with the entire contents of the changing bag crammed in, I’d still forget something. Or end up turning back after five minutes.
And the anxiety?
Huge.
What if she needed a feed while I was out? What if she did a nappy explosion? What if she started crying and I couldn’t calm her down in public?
I’d run through every worst-case scenario before I even stepped out the door. It felt like I had to be prepared for everything and that pressure was exhausting.
Here’s what I know now: that fear is incredibly common.
Most mums I speak to have felt it.
But the only way through it?
Is to do the damn thing anyway.
Pack the bag, step outside, and go.
Even if it’s just to the end of the road and back.
Even if you forget the muslins.
Even if you come home five minutes later.
It still counts. You still did it.
And if you made it to the local shop and back? That’s a win.
There’s No Such Thing as Fully Prepared
Even with four children, every single experience was different.
There’s no handbook that covers it all.
You can plan, prep, read all the books, buy all the things and still get completely blindsided.
Because parenting isn’t something you master….ever!
It’s something you live.
Day by day. Nap by nap. Cold cup of tea by cold cup of tea.
And here’s the truth no one says out loud:
No one really knows what they’re doing.
Not your friend who “sleeps when the baby sleeps.”
Not the mum on Instagram with the tidy playroom.
Not even the most experienced qualified professional.
Everyone’s winging it - trying their best with what they’ve got.
And when you realise that? When you truly get that no one has it all figured out?
It lifts the weight. It softens the pressure. It makes it all feel a little less hard.
Want to hear more about why baby sleep feels so tough?
So, If You’re in the Fog of the Early Days…
Here’s what I want you to hear:
You’re not doing it wrong just because it’s hard.
You don’t need to love every minute.
It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, touched out, and like you're questioning everything.
You’re allowed to need space and love your baby fiercely at the same time.
There’s no gold star for doing it all alone.
Let people help you. Let go of perfect. Trust your gut.
And know that however messy it feels - you’re doing a brilliant job.
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