Is It Time to Change How You Settle Your Little One To Sleep?
There’s a moment many parents come to - sometimes gradually, sometimes all in a rush - when they realise:
This isn’t working anymore.
Maybe your baby will only fall asleep on the boob, and you’re ready to have your body back.
Maybe you’ve been rocking your toddler for forty-five minutes a night, and your arms feel like they’ve run a marathon.
Maybe you’re lying on their bedroom floor, whispering lullabies while your tea goes cold (again).Maybe it’s been sweet… but now it’s just a lot.
And so you ask yourself: Is it time for a change?
But then, almost instantly, the doubts creep in:
“What if I make it worse?”
“Isn’t this just what being a parent is?”
“Will they cry if I stop doing what I’ve always done?”
“Does wanting more rest make me selfish?”
Let me say this clearly, in case no one else has:
Wanting change does not mean what you’re doing is wrong.
It means your needs matter too.
The truth about “sleep crutches”
You’ve probably heard the term “sleep crutch” tossed around like a dirty word.
Feeding to sleep?
Rocking to sleep?
Lying next to them until they drift off?
Apparently, you’re meant to wean them off all of it as soon as humanly possible, or risk creating a rod for your back.
Except… those things are not crutches.
They’re comfort.
They’re regulation.
They’re how babies and toddlers feel safe enough to sleep.
And here’s the real kicker: What you’ve been doing up until now has been exactly what your child needed.
If you hadn’t fed, rocked, or held them to sleep, they might have struggled even more.
You’ve been meeting their needs in the best way you knew how, and that’s brilliant.
There is nothing wrong with helping your child fall asleep.
But sometimes - even when things have been working - they stop feeling sustainable.
And that’s when we get to explore gentle change.
Why it feels so flipping hard
Making any change around sleep can feel huge.
Not because you’re doing it wrong - but because sleep is emotional. For everyone.
It brings up worry, guilt, exhaustion, old stories about independence, and a whole lot of pressure.
Add in a child with strong opinions, a partner with a different approach, and a mountain of conflicting advice from social media, and it’s no wonder you feel stuck.
Here’s what I want you to know:
You don’t need to jump into something drastic.
You don’t need to follow a strict method.
You don’t need to wait until you’re at breaking point to make a change.
You just need to start with one thing.
One tweak.
One little step that feels doable for your child, your temperament, and your capacity right now.
That’s all it takes.
But what can you control?
One of the hardest parts about parenting is realising how much is not in your control - especially around sleep - and accepting this.
You can’t control:
When your child actually falls asleep
How many times they wake in the night
Whether they nap for 20 minutes or 2 hours
But you can control:
The rhythm and structure of your evening
The tone of bedtime
Your own nervous system
The way you respond when things go sideways
When we shift focus from fixing the child to supporting the connection, everything changes.
The secret sauce? Calm
You’ve heard me say it before, and I’ll say it again: your calm is the magic.
Not because calm equals control but because calm is contagious.
When your child senses you’re grounded, they’re more likely to settle.
When they feel safe and held (emotionally and physically), their nervous system can switch off.
And when you feel like you’ve got tools, not just pressure, things get lighter for everyone.
That’s why any change you make needs to include you.
Not just what to do with your baby or toddler but what you need to feel resourced enough to do it.
Want to know more?
If you’ve been thinking about making changes to how your little one falls asleep but you don’t want to use sleep training, let them cry, or follow some rigid routine you’re not alone.
And I’ve got something for you.
Next week, I’m hosting a live webinar:
Changing How You Settle - With Responsive, Gentle Support
I’ll be talking about:
Why sleep changes feel hard (and how to make them feel lighter)
What’s actually in your control (and what’s not)
How to make gentle changes with connection, calm, and compassion at the centre
Steps to try if you’re feeding, rocking, or lying next to them to sleep
What to do when things wobble
Whether your little one is a baby or a toddler, this is a space for you.
No shame. No pressure.
Just practical, realistic, and kind guidance.
Can’t join live?
No worries - everyone gets access to the replay plus a downloadable guidebook to revisit the strategies anytime.
Let’s make change feel possible - not overwhelming.
