Managing exhaustion: How to handle sleep deprivation beyond your baby’s night wakings

If I told you that not all of your tiredness is because your baby wakes up multiple times at night, would you think I’ve completely lost it? Honestly, I wouldn’t blame you! In the thick of sleep deprivation, if someone had said that to me, I’d have had a few choice words to share. But hear me out...

When you're caring for a baby, it’s easy to assume that every ounce of your exhaustion is down to those night wakings. And of course, it plays a massive role. But the truth is, parental fatigue isn’t only about your baby’s sleep habits. Throughout life, our sleep is influenced by so many factors - stress, health, the relentless to-do list - and sometimes, it’s our own habits that can keep us stuck in a cycle of exhaustion.

I’m not saying addressing your little one’s sleep won’t make a difference (I wouldn’t be a holistic gentle sleep coach if I believed that!). But when you’re already running on empty, tackling their sleep can feel like an overwhelming first step. That’s why I encourage you to start by looking at what's in your control. Shifting your focus from your baby’s sleep to your own mindset and routines can make a huge difference in how you feel. In many cases, you might find that this alone makes things more manageable - even before you begin making changes to your baby’s sleep.

Why night wakings are normal: Understanding infant sleep

One simple yet powerful way to make things more manageable is by normalising your baby’s sleep patterns. Yes, what you’re going through is tough -but it’s also completely normal. Recognising that your baby’s night wakings are biologically typical can be surprisingly reassuring. The reality is, babies wake up at night (annoying for us, yes, but absolutely normal for them).

Keep reminding yourself: “This is just a phase - it will pass.”

Accepting this reality can shift your perspective, making it easier to handle the tough nights. But here’s the thing - and it’s an important one. Just because night wakings are normal doesn’t mean you have to struggle through them indefinitely. For many parents, the situation becomes unsustainable so you’re most definitely not alone if this is you. That’s when gentle, practical strategies can make a world of difference. And, of course, that’s where I can help!

Focus on calm: Supporting your baby’s sleep with a calm mindset

Babies are natural co-regulators, meaning they rely on their caregivers to help manage their emotions. Since they aren’t yet capable of self-soothing, they pick up on our emotional states. If you're feeling anxious or frustrated while trying to settle your baby to sleep, they'll sense it, and it can create a cycle of tension for both of you.

It helps to reframe your mindset: no one can "make" another person sleep. Instead, you’re there to support them as they drift off. It’s your baby’s job to fall asleep - and your job to help them feel calm enough to do so.

Easier said than done, right? Staying calm when you’re exhausted can be incredibly hard. But if frustration starts to build, take a few deep breaths, step away for a moment, or pass your baby to a partner if possible. Remember, needing these moments to regulate yourself doesn’t make you a bad parent; it makes you human.

Preparing for night wakings: Practical and mental strategies

If you know your baby is likely to wake up multiple times during the night, a little preparation can make all the difference. Have a plan in place - keep drinks, snacks, or even a favourite podcast within arm’s reach to make those middle-of-the-night wake-ups more bearable. And if possible, share the load with another adult to lighten the burden.

Mental preparation is equally important. Try shifting your mindset away from what I call 'bed dread' - that feeling of anxiety before going to sleep because you expect to be woken. Instead, embrace the night wakings as part of the phase you’re in. When your baby wakes, focus on that moment, knowing that this stage is temporary and will pass.

And let’s be real - it’s OK to have a good moan! Just because frequent night waking is normal doesn’t make it easy. Acknowledging the challenge is part of getting through it, so don’t feel guilty for venting when things get tough.

Prioritising your sleep: Creating a restful environment

I get it - 'What sleep?!' might be your first thought. But hear me out! As parents, we spend so much time perfecting our baby’s sleep environment that we often forget about our own. Your sleep space should be a place you look forward to - think comfortable bedding, your favourite PJs, soft lighting, and if possible, a clutter-free zone (I know, easier said than done!).

Establishing a bedtime routine for yourself can have a big impact on your sleep quality and overall well-being. Create a ritual that helps you wind down - something you genuinely enjoy. Avoid screens before bed as the blue light they emit can disrupt melatonin production, the hormone that helps you feel sleepy.

It might also help to sync your bedtime with your baby’s, at least for a while. This isn’t forever, but it could help you catch up on sleep during those challenging weeks. Co-sleeping is another option that many parents find beneficial - personally, I embraced it with my last two babies as a way to survive the early parenting years! If this feels like a good fit for you, just make sure to follow the guidelines for safe bed-sharing.

Lowering your standards: Embrace the bare minimum

Whatever standards you’ve set for yourself, it’s time to lower them - and then lower them again! This is not the season to strive for perfection. Remind yourself that this phase is temporary. Focus on what truly needs to be done and let the rest slide. If possible, delegate tasks to others - whether it’s your partner, a family member, or a friend.

Now is not the time to stress about the state of your fridge or the dust gathering on top of your wardrobe. Prioritise the bare minimum. Trust me, your house won’t collapse, and your family won’t catch the bubonic plague! The world will keep turning, and you’ll have plenty of time down the road to tackle those everyday chores.

Setting boundaries: Embrace the power of “No”

Remember, "No" is a complete sentence! It’s perfectly OK to say no to anything that doesn’t fit into your limited time or energy. Prioritise your well-being by setting clear boundaries around your commitments. Protect your time and energy by declining additional responsibilities that will overwhelm you or drain your resources. By focusing on what truly matters, you can maintain your balance and ensure you’re not spreading yourself too thin.

Your essentials: Nourish your body and mind

Proper hydration and a balanced diet are crucial for sustaining your energy levels. We all recognize that sluggish feeling when we’ve been neglecting our nutrition. Fuel your body with nutritious foods and stay well-hydrated to maintain your stamina throughout the day and into the night.

Make it a habit to spend time outdoors every day. Even a brief walk can enhance your alertness and elevate your mood. Exposure to natural daylight helps synchronise both your and your baby’s body clocks, creating a win-win situation.

Here’s an important one that many parents, including myself, often overlook: Allocate time for yourself. Whether it’s a quick relaxation session, enjoying coffee in the garden, or reading a few pages of your book, make sure to do something daily that fills your cup, even if just for a short while.

Prioritising your self-care to handle sleep challenges 

In the midst of sleepless nights and constant demands, it's crucial to remember that taking care of yourself is not a luxury - it’s a necessity. By addressing what's within your control and prioritising your well-being, you can better manage your exhaustion and support both yourself and your baby. Remember, this challenging phase is temporary, and with the right strategies, you’ll navigate through it more smoothly. If you need additional support or guidance, I’m here to help. 

Don’t hesitate to reach out and find the solutions that work best for you and your family.

Together, we can create a plan that supports everyone’s needs and helps you find some peace amidst the chaos. Click here to find out how