Feeling overwhelmed by baby sleep? How small changes can improve your sleep and well-being
You’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and it feels like your baby’s sleep is taking over your life. But what if small, simple changes could help you reclaim control and bring calm to your days (and nights)? Let’s shift the focus away from just sleep and onto what’s within your control.
In today's society, simply mentioning how tired you are can lead to unsolicited advice like, “Why don’t you sleep train?” - followed by stories of babies who slept through the night after a few nights of training. But here’s the reality: it’s completely normal for babies to wake during the night. It’s how they’re wired; for young babies, waking is even a safety mechanism. While a full night’s sleep sounds amazing, it’s just not realistic for most babies - and even some toddlers.
Managing expectations around baby sleep
It’s easy to feel like your baby’s lack of sleep is the sole cause of your exhaustion. While you can’t make your baby sleep, you can control how sleep deprivation impacts you.
First, adjust your expectations. Just because your friend’s baby slept through the night at 3 months doesn’t mean yours will. In fact, that’s pretty rare! Understanding what’s typical for your baby’s age can help you manage expectations and decide if their sleep patterns are within the norm. Often, it’s not your baby’s sleep that needs changing, but the way you view it.
Knowing that your baby’s frequent waking is normal can be comforting in itself. Finding support from other parents going through similar challenges can offer the reassurance you need to keep going.
Focus on creating calm, not just sleep
Of course, we all want our babies to sleep - but sometimes the desperation to make that happen, especially when we’re completely done in, can actually make it harder! Instead of putting all your energy into getting more sleep, focus on creating a sense of calm. This not only helps you relax, but can improve the quality of the sleep you do get. And importantly, your calmness can help your baby sleep better too. Your little one is developmentally unable to regulate their emotions and rely on you to do this for them. In fact, this ability continues to develop until our mid-twenties, so by staying calm, you're actively helping your baby manage their emotions and settle more easily. You are bringing the calm!
Bonding and connection help your baby feel secure, which leads to better sleep over time. The more your baby knows that you’ll be there when needed, the easier it will be for them to settle.
Make your sleep space restful
You’ve probably spent ages perfecting your baby’s sleep environment, but what about yours? Does your bedroom support restful sleep? Transform your space into a sanctuary—a peaceful retreat where you can unwind. Creating a calm space for yourself isn't just about aesthetics—it’s about giving yourself a mental break and reducing stress, which makes you more equipped to handle night wakings. Aligning your bedtime with your baby’s can also make a big difference. This won’t last forever, but for now, it might help you feel more rested.
Self-care is essential, not a luxury
Rest during the day whenever possible. It’s easy to feel like you have to do everything, but you don’t. Prioritising breaks, even short ones, is essential for your well-being. Grabbing a hot cup of tea (before it goes cold!) or finding a few minutes of quiet can work wonders for your energy.
I know how challenging this can be—especially if you have older children. As a mum, I used to feel guilty whenever I sat down to rest, as if I should always be doing something. But I’ve learned that taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury—it’s essential. When you’re well-rested, you’re better equipped to handle the demands of parenting.
Create a morning routine
Establishing your own routine - even something as simple as waking up at the same time or enjoying a hot shower—can set a positive tone for the day, even after a rough night. It gives you a sense of control, which can play a pivotal role when life feels overwhelming.
Focus on small, achievable wins
Rather than overhauling your baby’s sleep routine, look for small wins. Rather than overhauling your baby’s sleep routine, look for small wins. Adjusting the room temperature, small tweaks to the bedtime routine, or more connection time during the day can make a big difference. These simple changes aren’t overwhelming but can have a lasting impact. And can make you feel like you’re winning a little in life!
Get outside for better sleep
I always emphasise the importance of getting outdoors daily, and for good reason. In our busy lives this can be challenging but research shows that just 20 minutes of morning light if possible can help regulate your circadian rhythm, improving both your and your baby’s sleep.
Change your mindset around sleep
Now this may sound a bit woo-woo but shifting your language and attitude can go a long way. Instead of viewing night wakings as a problem to be fixed, see them a natural process. For example, say, “Let’s adjust the bedtime routine and see how it goes” instead of “We need to fix these night wakings.” Small mindset shifts can lead to big changes in how you approach sleep.
Small changes lead to big improvements
Remember, these small changes add up over time. They’re not overwhelming but are sustainable and long-lasting. These manageable adjustments can help you feel more rested and in control. You’re in charge of your sleep, not the other way round!
But you can still make sleep changes
However, I'm not suggesting that dealing with your baby waking frequently at night is something you just have to accept. I'm not advocating for waiting it out and resigning to this as just the season of parenting you're in. Yes, sometimes we can dig deep and power through, but other times, no matter how hard we try, it just doesn’t work. Sometimes change has to happen - and it can happen.
There are many gentle, effective strategies to support your baby's sleep, especially when the situation becomes unsustainable. If you're ready for tailored, compassionate support that focuses on making small, powerful adjustments to create sustainable sleep routines, I’m here to help.
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