Understanding baby sleep: Trusting your instincts and tuning out the noise
“If you don’t sleep train now, they’ll never learn to sleep on their own.”
“You need to stop rocking/feeding/cuddling your baby to sleep - they’ll get used to it.”
“You’re spoiling your baby by picking them up every time they cry.”
“You just need to get a routine and be firm!”
Oh my, EVERYONE seems to have an opinion on your baby’s sleep, and they’re not shy about sharing it with you.
While these suggestions may have worked for them, they often don’t consider your unique parenting style and values. What worked for one family doesn’t necessarily work for another. People often forget how blurry memories can become - sometimes those ‘perfect solutions’ are viewed through rose-tinted glasses.
The truth is, no single approach works for every baby. Each baby is different - different personalities, different needs - and each family’s situation is unique. So it’s clear that no one-size-fits-all method will magically work for everyone.
And it’s okay not to know! It’s normal not to have all the answers, especially in the early days. You and your baby are still getting to know each other. Even seasoned parents and child experts don’t have all the answers - we’re all learning as we go. Parenting is an ongoing journey, and you’ll always be learning new things about your child.
In this blog, I’ll share practical strategies to help you sift through the noise, trust your instincts, and find a sleep approach that fits both your baby’s needs and your family’s values.
Tuning out the noise
At times, it can feel like you're being bombarded by advice from family, friends, and social media - all these ‘must-dos’ and ‘must-not-dos’ that leave you feeling overwhelmed. The pressure to get everything ‘right’ can be intense. I remember feeling it myself with my first baby - the constant worry that if I didn’t do things perfectly now, her sleep (and our future) would be at risk.
To help tune out the noise from well-meaning people and societal pressure, I truly believe that understanding what is normal for infant sleep can be empowering. It not only gives you knowledge but also the confidence to trust your instincts. And I can guarantee that your instincts will be aligned with your baby’s natural sleep biology - not against it. After all, humans have been raising babies for thousands of years, and if we let our natural instincts guide us, things often fall into place more easily.
Frequent night wakings are completely normal
Not just for feeds but for all sorts of reasons - discomfort, reassurance, developmental changes, and more. Your baby waking during the night doesn’t mean something is ‘wrong’ with their sleep or that it needs to be fixed.
The key is to tune into your baby and what feels right for their temperament. Some babies are naturally more easygoing and may be more adaptable to changes in their sleep, while more sensitive little ones will require a bit more from you. And it’s just a fact that some babies have lower sleep needs, some have higher ones, and others fall somewhere in between. This isn’t a reflection of your parenting; it’s simply who they are - and they don’t need ‘fixing’!
Your baby
When it comes to all the advice, you’ll learn to confidently tune out anything that doesn’t align with your values. Whether it’s politely declining suggestions from others or refraining from scrolling through unsolicited advice online, remember - this is your baby, and you know them better than anyone else.
Don’t be afraid to make a change
While night wakings are completely normal for little ones, there may come a time when the exhaustion becomes too much - and that’s okay. If you reach the point where it feels unsustainable, it’s perfectly fine to make changes. The key is to make changes that feel right for you, not changes based on what worked for someone else.
Make the change when you are ready, not when someone else says it’s time.
Many sleep trainers insist you need to 'fix' sleep early or your baby will never learn to sleep independently. This simply isn’t true. Babies don’t need to be 'taught' how to sleep, just as we don’t need to be taught how to breathe. Sleep is a biological function; when we’re tired, we sleep. The right time for change is whenever it works for you, your baby, and your family.
And if the change you try doesn’t go as planned, don’t see it as a failure. As a sleep coach, I often start with one approach and realise along the way that it’s not the right fit - so we adjust. You won’t know what works until you try, and you can always try something else. It may also be that the timing isn’t quite right - if that’s the case, pause, reset, and try again later. There are no failures if what you tried felt good at the time; it’s all part of learning what works best for you and your little one.
Trust your instincts and be confident in your choices
You might not believe it right now, but you are the expert on your baby’s sleep - not me, not your best friend, and certainly not your mother-in-law! You know your baby better than anyone else, and that knowledge is powerful.
Of course, advice can be helpful, and we all need support and reassurance along the way. But ultimately, when you tune into your instincts, you’ll often find the solutions that are right for your family.
Let’s move away from the ‘shoulds.’ When thoughts like, "My baby should be sleeping through the night by now," creep in, ask yourself - where did that expectation come from? If you’d never heard that babies should sleep through the night by six months, would you even worry? If no one had told you that rocking your baby to sleep was a 'bad habit,' would you feel guilty?
Push those societal expectations aside and trust the path you’re on with your baby. Remind yourself: "I know my baby best, and I’m doing what’s best for us."
Seek support that aligns with your values
In those early days, it can be tricky to figure out what really matters to you in your parenting journey. But as time goes on, you’ll start to find your ‘mum tribe’ - the ones who get it. These are the mums you can vent to about how tired you are, without being handed a 10-step sleep strategy. The mums who respond to your late-night messages because they’re up with their baby too. The ones who won’t judge you when you invite them over for lunch, only to realise you’ve forgotten and the only thing in the fridge is a bottle of expressed breast milk.
These are the connections you want in your life.
Follow the sleep accounts that offer real, supportive advice - those that make you feel seen, heard, and understood, rather than judged or guilty about how you’re handling your baby’s sleep.
And if you're seeking professional sleep support, look for someone who empowers you, rather than telling you what you should be doing with a one-size-fits-all approach. Yes, you want better sleep now, but you also want the knowledge and tools to handle the ups and downs of sleep in the future. That's what will truly be invaluable.
That’s exactly the kind of sleep support I offer
I believe in working with you to find gentle, responsive solutions that suit your baby, your family, and your values. No rigid methods or quick fixes that don’t feel right. Instead, I provide personalised guidance to help you trust your instincts, understand normal baby sleep, and find strategies that feel good for you. You’ll leave with not only immediate relief but also the confidence to handle future sleep challenges.
Whether it’s navigating those early days or finding new ways to manage sleep transitions as your baby grows, I’m here to guide you every step of the way. Click here to find out how
