Unveiling the Reality of Controlled Crying: A Holistic Perspective on Sleep Training
I think we can all agree that the struggle to get a good night’s sleep with a baby is a universal experience for parents!
In the quest for peaceful nights, many turn to sleep trainers and their various methods. One popular approach, controlled crying, promises quick results and minimal parental intervention. But is it really as gentle as it's portrayed by some sleep consultants?
In this article, we will delve into the world of controlled crying, exploring what it is, why it's favoured by some sleep trainers, and why I believe it falls short of being the gentle solution some claim it to be.
Understanding Controlled Crying
Controlled crying, also known as cry it out or spaced soothing, involves leaving a child alone in their cot to cry, with increasing intervals before returning to check on them. While it might seem effective on the surface, the method raises serious concerns among some experts and parents alike.
Why Controlled Crying is Favoured
Sleep trainers often advocate for controlled crying due to its apparent quick results and minimal effort required from caregivers. The method fits well with schedule-based parenting style, providing a structured approach to sleep training. However, the simplicity of this technique masks a truth which parents should know about before deciding on how to manage sleep issues. The ‘teaching your baby to self-soothe’ story.
The Illusion of Self-Soothing
One of the core arguments for controlled crying is the idea that it teaches infants to self-soothe. But does it really? The reality is that a crying child left alone is not learning to self-soothe; they are experiencing what psychologists term "learned helplessness." This approach does not equip children with the necessary skills to cope with stress; instead, it simply forces them into silence through exhaustion and resignation.
It’s actually impossible for babies or young children to ‘self-soothe’ as they are unable to regulate their emotions. To do so involves a considerable amount of brain development which can take the whole of childhood to achieve.
The Toll on Parent-Child Attachment
Experts in child development and mental health warn against controlled crying. Leaving a distressed child alone contradicts our understanding of attachment and relationship building. This approach damages the trust between parents and children, eroding the vital foundation of a secure attachment.
The Unsettling Realities
Contrary to its portrayal, controlled crying has several drawbacks that are often overlooked:
Potential Health Risks
Ignoring a child's cries might lead to overlooked health issues, hunger, or danger.
Psychological Impact
Research has shown that this method can induce high levels of stress in a baby. Without the help of a caregiver it’s virtually impossible for a baby to calm themselves down or self regulate. Self regulation is not a skill a baby possesses - it’s learnt throughout childhood with the support of a caregiver. There is a question mark over if there could be adverse long term mental health issues with controlled crying.
Limited Research
The long-term effects of controlled crying are inadequately studied, leaving parents in the dark about potential consequences. Therefore it’s far simpler to use genuine gentle responsive techniques with no fear of negative long term outcomes.
Lack of sustainability
Quite often controlled crying will have the desired outcome but over time, especially at times of illness or major development, the process needs to be repeated again.
Parental distress
Listening to their baby cry is upsetting for a lot of parents and understandably can’t not respond to their baby. A gentler approach therefore is the preferred route.
A Gentle Alternative : Responsive Sleep Coaching
In light of the drawbacks associated with controlled crying, many parents are turning to responsive sleep coaching. This approach prioritises the child's needs and emotions, encouraging a nurturing environment that fosters trust and security. By addressing the root causes of sleep disturbances, responsive sleep coaching respects the child's natural development while ensuring parents get the rest they need.
While controlled crying may promise quick results, its potential toll on a child's emotional well-being and the parent-child relationship cannot be ignored. As parents seek solutions for their children's sleep troubles, it's crucial to consider the long-term impact of the methods employed. Responsive sleep coaching offers a gentler, more empathetic approach, prioritising both the child's comfort and the parent-child bond.
Ultimately it’s all down to parental choice. Parents can of course decide to go down the route of controlled crying. However it’s important that parents understand the true nature of these methods, empowering them to make informed choices for their families' well-being.
For parents who can’t tolerate their babies crying there is a different approach to traditional sleep training. An approach that is aligned to their parental philosophies. An approach that is effective, gentle and respectful. Holistic sleep coaching. And that’s where I can step in!
