The Truth About When Your Baby Will Sleep Through The Night
The age-old question that has been asked by parents for millennia: "When will my baby sleep through the night?"
It's a universal struggle that every parent can relate to. I remember this challenge all too well. With my first baby, I vividly recall feeding her at some ridiculous hour when she was four months old. I was crying from exhaustion, unable to imagine ever getting a full night's sleep again. At that moment, I felt so tired, overwhelmed, and on the brink of breaking down. Although I eventually did get those precious uninterrupted nights of sleep, it seemed impossible at the time.
Misconceptions affecting our expectations of baby sleep
Navigating this time is more than just tricky; it’s exhausting! What makes it even harder are the common misconceptions and sleep myths that often get tangled up with the developmental norms for babies. Influences from the media, your social circle, and non-evidence-based advice from professionals can further complicate these expectations.
Is society to blame?
This question, "When will my baby sleep through the night?" is fueled by our society's expectation that babies should sleep independently, without requiring support from a caregiver, as soon as possible—often by around 6 months of age. There's significant pressure on parents to have a baby that sleeps through the night. The notion persists that if this isn't happening, we must be doing something wrong, or there's something wrong with our baby. Adding to this pressure is parents’ belief that "a good parent has a good baby who sleeps all night"
Instead of fixating on societal expectations, we should acknowledge that as mammals, we are naturally inclined to provide closeness and attention to our babies. Our innate caregiving instincts dictate that babies should be close to us, receiving the attention they need, rather than conforming to unrealistic sleep standards.
What does sleeping through the night actually mean?
What does "sleeping through the night" actually mean? Before I became a mum, I would have considered a solid 9 hours as sleeping through the night - well for me anyway! However, after entering motherhood, I was led to believe that babies should sleep from 7pm to 7am, totaling 12 hours. This definition of 'sleeping through' is often misunderstood, with many sleep trainers advocating for this 12-hour overnight stretch as the gold standard for infant sleep. The reality, however, is different. Research reveals that a 5-hour uninterrupted period qualifies as 'sleeping through.'
It's high time that we changed the narrative around this milestone and dispelled the myths that surround it. We all need to play a part in easing the pressure that parents often feel and mitigating the judgement they might perceive. Instead of adhering to unrealistic standards, let's prioritise supporting parents through understanding and empathy.
Let’s look at why babies wake during the night?
Firstly, it's important to recognise that it's biologically normal for your baby to wake during the night. While hunger is often the first factor that comes to mind, there are numerous other influences on the duration of your baby's sleep. These can include discomfort from a wet or dirty nappy, being too warm or too cold, a noisy environment, being in an uncomfortable position, or even excessive light.
The roles of comfort and temperament are biggies!
Additionally, babies may wake seeking comfort and reassurance, and their temperament plays a significant role in how they respond to waking. If you have a laid-back baby, you might find that they are occasionally able to self-settle. However, if you have a more sensitive soul, you may need to provide lots of support and reassurance during the night.
Built-in safety mechanism
Of course, babies, especially young ones, waking regularly serves as a built-in safety mechanism designed to ensure their protection. During deep sleep or "slow-wave sleep," babies enter a stage crucial for their development but which also carries potential risks. In this phase, babies may experience brief pauses in breathing. For a healthy infant, this triggers a natural response—arousal. The baby awakens briefly, adjusts their breathing, and ensures their well-being. However, for infants with certain risk factors, this protective response may not occur.
The desire for our baby to sleep through the night
In the quest for peaceful nights, driven by concerns that unresolved sleep issues could lead to long-term problems, many parents turn to sleep trainers and their methods. One popular approach, controlled crying, promises quick results with minimal parental intervention. However, questions arise about whether it is truly as gentle as some sleep consultants portray it to be.
Concerns about controlled crying
There's a looming question regarding the possibility of adverse long-term mental health effects associated with controlled crying. Conducting a study where some babies undergo sleep training while others do not would be unethical. Even if such a study were possible, the variability among babies would raise doubts about the validity of the results. Therefore in my role as a holistic sleep coach, I advocate for genuinely gentle, responsive techniques without the fear of negative long-term outcomes.
Is sleep training a one-time fix?
While sleep trainers often tout controlled crying as yielding desired results in a short timeframe, it's important to consider the long-term efficacy. Over time, especially during periods of illness or significant development, the process quite often needs to be repeated. Research indicates that by the age of 2 years, toddlers who underwent sleep training and those who did not are generally sleeping similarly at night.
Age-specific night-time sleep averages
If you're getting overly preoccupied with your baby's sleep, which is understandable, especially when you're sleep-deprived, take a moment to reevaluate what is considered normal and expected. I’ve covered this in a previous blog, but it's worth repeating here.
Research indicates the following,
3 months : 2.2 night wakes on average (Paavonen et al., 2020) with 15% sleeping through.
6 months : 2.5 night wakes on average (yes, I know, an increase! Lots going on developmentally) with 30% sleeping through. (Hysing et al, 2014)
8 months : 2.4 night wakes on average (Paavonen et al., 2020) with 20% sleeping through.
12 months : 1.8 night wakes on average (Brown & Harries, 2015) with 50% sleeping through (Goodlin et al. (2001)
18 months : 1.1 night wakes on average (Paavonen et al., 2020) with 20% waking 2 or more times.
2 years : 0.9 night wakes on average (Paavonen et al., 2020) 15% waking 2 or more times in the night
Understanding age-specific sleep averages can help you recognize what constitutes normal night awakenings and hopefully reduce your stress about your baby’s sleep. Remember, each child is unique, and variations from these averages are normal.
Changing the narrative around baby sleep
What we should do when an exhausted parent asks the question, “When will my baby sleep through the night?” is to respond with empathy and understanding. “Yes, I know it’s tough. How can I help? Are you considering your own self care? How can you get more rest?” It's not always about seeing the baby as the problem, but about supporting the parents. Encouraging them to focus on their own needs - having a good consistent bedtime routine, considering going to bed earlier, getting rest during the day, talking to others, and doing something daily to fill their cup - can make a significant difference.
Gentle alternatives to sleep training
If the situation becomes unsustainable or you feel you’re reaching a crisis point, there are many gentle options available as alternatives to sleep training. You can support and improve your baby’s sleep with strategies that are responsive, effective, and sustainable.
