How to manage baby sleep when your partner disagrees with your approach
Having a baby who isn’t sleeping well is exhausting enough but when you and your partner can’t agree on the best baby sleep strategies, it adds an entirely new layer of stress to an already challenging situation.
Perhaps your instinct tells you to be responsive, to go to your baby when they cry, comfort them, and meet their needs immediately. You can’t bear the thought of leaving them to cry, and you feel that responding quickly helps build trust and reassurance. But your partner believes it’s time to take a firmer line. Maybe they think you’re unintentionally “making things worse” by going to your baby too often.
Sound familiar?
It’s easy for communication to reach a stalemate when both of you feel strongly about your approach, especially when emotions are running high and sleep deprivation is taking its toll.
Here’s the good news.
It is possible to find common ground and create a unified approach to baby sleep, even if you and your partner start with different ideas.
1. Start by understanding each other’s perspectives
Instead of jumping straight into defending your position, take the time to understand where your partner is coming from. Ask open-ended questions like:
“What worries you most about how we’re handling sleep?”
“What do you think would help make things better?”
Reflect on whether preconceived ideas or external influences might be shaping your views. For instance:
Did a family member or friend share advice that’s sticking in your mind?
Are either of you feeling pressured to follow a particular method because “it worked for someone else”?
By framing the conversation as collaborative rather than confrontational, you create an environment where both of you feel heard and valued. Often, differences in opinion stem from the same underlying desire: wanting what’s best for your baby’s sleep and well-being.
💡 Tip: Use “I” statements to express your feelings and avoid blame. For example, say, “I feel really anxious when our baby cries for a long time without comfort,” rather than, “You’re making this worse by letting them cry.”
💡 Another tip: If external advice or expectations are influencing your decisions, ask yourselves:
“Does this align with our parenting values and what feels right for our baby?”
“Are we making this choice because it works for us, or because we feel like we ‘should’?”
💡 Reminder: Disagreements about baby sleep can sometimes feel personal, but it’s important to remember that these challenges stem from love and concern for your little one. Staying focused on this shared goal can help you approach the conversation with empathy and patience.
2. Focus on your baby’s unique needs
Every baby is different, and what works for one may not work for another. If your baby is particularly sensitive, responding quickly to their cries might help them settle faster and avoid escalating distress. On the other hand, a more laid-back baby might be able to fuss for a moment before falling back to sleep.
Take time to discuss your baby’s temperament and cues together. Sharing observations can help you understand their unique needs and create a more unified approach to sleep:
“What signs do you notice when our baby is getting tired?”
“Have you observed any patterns, like when they tend to get dysregulated?”
“What seems to soothe them the best - rocking, stepping outside, or a quiet environment?”
Paying attention to tired signs
Babies often give subtle clues when they’re ready for sleep. You may both notice different signs, and sharing these can help you respond more consistently. Some common tired signs include:
Early cues: Staring into space, rubbing eyes, or yawning.
Later cues: Fussiness, arching their back, or avoiding eye contact.
Signs of dysregulation: Crying, flailing arms and legs, or becoming inconsolable.
💡 Tip: Pay attention to your baby’s subtle cues, as noticing early signs of tiredness can make settling easier for both of you.
💡 Another tip: Trust your instincts and your baby’s signals. Meeting your baby’s needs builds trust and security. Babies thrive when they feel safe and understood, so focusing on their unique needs will help you both feel more confident in your approach.
3. Create a unified plan
Once you’ve both shared your thoughts and identified your baby’s needs, work together to develop a plan you both feel comfortable with. This might mean agreeing on small compromises, like:
Responding to your baby’s cries within a set timeframe (e.g., waiting a minute or two to see if they resettle).
Splitting nighttime duties or the early morning wake-up, so you can both get some rest.
Trying out a new settling approach for a few nights and revisiting how it feels.
💡 Tip: Set a specific time for weekly “check-ins” about sleep. This prevents tensions from boiling over during the heat of the moment at 2 a.m.
Different ways to settle your baby
It’s natural for each parent to develop their own style of settling the baby. One parent might find that feeding to sleep is their go-to method, while the other prefers rocking, singing, or lying down alongside the baby.
Your baby benefits from experiencing varied approaches - they’re learning that both parents are a source of comfort, even if the methods differ.
💡 Tip: Celebrate what works best for each parent. Babies are highly adaptable and thrive when they feel safe and comforted in different ways.
💡 Another tip: What works now may not work next month and that’s okay. Parenting is a constant evolution, and being adaptable is one of the greatest strengths you can bring to the table.
4. Reframe the idea of “right” and “wrong”
Parenting is rarely black and white, and there’s no one-size-fits-all solution to baby sleep challenges. What matters most is that your approach works for your family and feels sustainable for both of you.
If societal pressure or unsolicited advice is influencing one of your opinions, take a step back and ask:
“Is this approach actually helping us, or are we doing it because we think we’re ‘supposed’ to?”
“Are we making decisions based on what feels right for us, or what others might expect?”
💡 Tip: Let go of the fear of “bad habits.” If what you’re doing now, whether it’s feeding to sleep, contact naps, or rocking, is working and everyone is getting the best sleep possible, then stick with it!
💡 Another tip: If at any point what you’re doing starts to feel unsustainable for your family, you can always make gentle changes. Your parenting choices aren’t permanent, and you can adapt as your baby’s needs shift.
5. Celebrate small wins
Even small improvements, like one longer stretch of sleep or a calmer bedtime routine, are worth celebrating. Acknowledging progress can help you both stay motivated and feel like you’re on the same team.
💡 Tip: Keep a simple sleep journal together to track what’s working. Reflecting on positive changes can help build confidence in your approach.
Want more support?
My brand new sleep guide, From Tired Tensions to Thriving Together, is designed to help you manage sleep challenges as a team, giving you:
✅ Practical strategies to create a sleep plan you both feel good about
✅ Expert-backed insights on baby sleep that help clear up myths & misconceptions
✅ Communication tools to help you find common ground without frustration
Because better sleep isn’t just about your baby, it’s about your whole family.
Get the guide here at a special introductory price of just £5 and start handling baby sleep as a team - without the stress!
