Creating Your Toddler’s Perfect Bedtime Routine
You’ve read that 15th story, kissed them goodnight, passed them their favourite teddy and softly closed the door behind you.
With a heavy sigh you make your escape - one foot on the stairs and suddenly…
"I’m thirsty!"
Oh, the bedtime struggle is real especially when you’re tired, stressed and have nothing left in the tank. If you're nodding along, wishing for a more relaxing end to the day, then maybe it’s time to strengthen the bedtime routine!
Why have a bedtime routine?
It has been shown to help children settle at bedtime, provide comfort and to improve the quality of their sleep. A consistent bedtime routine not only signals to your little one that the day is drawing to a close but its predictability helps children anticipate the sequence of events, providing a sense of security and comfort. It’s a time for you and your child to reconnect, especially if you’ve been apart during the day.
The Three Cs of Bedtime
I’m going to let you into a trade secret! Consistency, connection and calm all play key roles during the transition to sleep.
Consistency
This is key when it comes to bedtime routines. Recent research suggests that the more consistently you follow a routine, the more effective it becomes. Another study showed that introducing a consistent bedtime routine improved the sleep in toddlers within two weeks. It's important to keep the routine predictable, incorporating the same elements whenever possible. Of course there will be times when flexibility will be called for but maintaining a consistent structure aids in creating a sense of security and predictability for your child.
Connection
Bedtime is a moment of separation, making it crucial to connect with your child and fill their "love buckets" before sleep. Bedtime often becomes an opportunity for children to express thoughts or emotions. Provide a safe space for your toddler to express their thoughts and emotions, reassuring them of unconditional love.
Calm
I think we’d all agree that if we’re stressed, worried, overexcited - basically not in a regulated state, then we have difficulty falling asleep. The same applies for our children. The bedtime routine helps shift your child from an active and alert state to a calm and relaxed one, ready for sleep.
When to Introduce a Bedtime Routine
The ideal time to introduce a bedtime routine is between 1 to 3 months of age. Keeping the routine short, calm, and predictable is essential during these early stages. Only have a couple of While observing your baby's natural patterns, it's advisable to be flexible and responsive to their tired cues rather than rigidly adhering to a strict schedule.
What to include in the bedtime routine
Around the age of 3 months you can think about adding a bit more to the bedtime routine. Tailor it to your child's age and preferences, incorporating 3-4 activities. Common components include a bath, brushing teeth, massage, books, singing rhymes, putting on pyjamas, and having special toys to sleep with. Having a milk feed in the routine, especially for babies, is common, but it doesn't necessarily have to be at the end. Keep the order the same every evening but there is no magic set in stone combination of activities. You do what works best for you and your family. And when it comes to how long, I’d suggest around half an hour and no more than 45 minutes. Each element will probably vary in length dependent on age - toddlers are well known for spinning out the stories!
How your toddler can play their part
As we all know, toddlers do love a dose of power! So tap into this and allow them to help you with the bedtime routine. For verbal children ask them to help you ‘remember’ what’s happening next. Children love it if you ‘forget’ and need reminding! Let them choose - say pick out one pair of PJs from a selection of two, or give them a book choice . Consider creating a bespoke bedtime book with photos of your child doing each step. You can read the book together during calm down time before starting the bedtime routine. This helps to reinforce the predictability of the routine and toddlers enjoy seeing themselves in photos!
When it’s no longer working
It’s OK to admit when the bedtime isn’t working for you any longer. Perhaps rocking to sleep is becoming physically demanding, or you won’t always be around that time of day so another adult needs to step in to do the bedtime. Changing habits can be challenging - us humans aren’t programmed to embrace change! However it's essential for you and your child to remain calm. Try to understand that change is difficult for children. A top tip is to accept that bedtime may well take longer at the start of the change and plan accordingly. As they say, prepare for the worst and hope for the best! Maybe get yourself ready for bed before starting your child’s bedtime routine and ensure any essential chores are done earlier in the day. That way you won’t feel pressurised to force the pace of the bedtime but be more relaxed to go with the flow.
Your Self-Care
The build up to bedtime can cause stress and anxiety which inadvertently you can pass on to your child. Investing in your own self-care is essential for creating a positive bedtime experience. If you know bedtime is going to cause you to get het up then take a few minutes to calm down beforehand. Meeting your physical (go for a wee before bedtime routine!) and emotional needs, along with anticipating potential areas of negotiation with your toddler, can significantly reduce stress and make bedtime a far more enjoyable experience.
A bedtime routine is not just about the actual physical activities but also about the connection and calmness it brings to the experience. Your aim is to create a bedtime routine that not only promotes restful sleep for your little one but also strengthens the bond between the two of you.
Bedtime is so much more than sleep, it’s a time for connection and bonding.
