The Comparison Game: How To Stop Worrying About Your Baby's Sleep

Ah, the comparison game. Come on, we ALL do this! It's a trap many of us fall into, in pretty much all aspects of our lives, especially in the realm of parenting. And when it comes to baby sleep, this couldn’t be more true! 

“I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it—comparing my baby to other babies—well, babies who seem to sleep through the night and have good long naps.”

I vividly remember those early days with my first baby, struggling through the sleepless nights and muddling through the challenges, one after another and another! I couldn't help but compare, thinking no-one else surely could be doing such a rubbish job. My friend's baby seemed to sleep like an angel, effortlessly drifting off at bedtime and napping like clockwork during the day. Meanwhile, my little one had a knack for turning bedtime into an Olympic event, and if her nap lasted longer than the time it took me to settle her, it felt like a miracle.

I found myself questioning everything, convinced I was doing it all wrong. Was there some secret parenting manual I missed? It seemed like everyone else had it figured out, while I was bobbing about in a sea of sleep deprivation, self-doubt and wondering what I’d signed myself up for. 

But here's the thing that I failed to realise: appearances can be deceiving - what looks effortless from the outside often conceals its own challenges.I failed to appreciate that many mums, like me, were putting on a brave face, showing the world the side they wanted others to see. Behind every well-rested baby and smiling mum, there were most likely moments of chaos, the tears shed in exhaustion and the moments of doubt and frustration. Just like me. 

By child number three I was starting to trust my instincts - yep finally got there! I began to focus on what worked for MY baby and me. I stopped comparing my child's sleep and milestones to those of others. I realised that every baby is unique, with their own pace of development and individual quirks. What works magically for one child may not work for another, and that’s ok. 

Here are some things to consider which hopefully will make a difference. 

Uniqueness

We’re all different, with our own personal quirks and characteristics. This uniqueness extends to our babies too. Just as no two adults are the same, no two babies are alike. They've got their own personalities, temperaments, and sleep needs – high, low, somewhere in the middle! It can be so tempting to compare how your baby sleeps to others – I bet us mums have all done it at some point! But remember, every baby is on their own unique journey. Some might sleep through the night early on, while others will do so at a later stage – they’ll all get there in the end!

Temperament

A lot of how well a baby sleeps is largely down to temperament, something we have no control over. So comparing your baby to another is not a fair comparison as no two babies are the same. Some babies are naturally great sleepers, while others are more sensitive and need extra comfort. Nor are two mums the same either! We all have our own strengths, our own weaknesses, and our own limitations as to how much we can take at any given moment. One mum might have endless patience for rocking her baby to sleep, while another excels at creating a calm, bedtime routine. We each bring something different to the table, and that's what makes our parenting journeys unique and personal.

Pick the right mum friends

If you haven’t already, discover the power of community and support. Talking openly with other mums will reveal that you’re not alone in your struggles. It's not about who has the 'best' sleeper or whose baby reaches milestones first. Even though some mums can turn those things into a competition! My advice? Get mum friends who don’t do this! Share tips, moan over sleepless nights, and reassure each other that you’re doing your best, because you are!

Be kind to yourself

It's about realising your own limits and not being too hard on yourself when things don't go as planned. I'm still learning to cut myself some slack in this department, and let me tell you, it's a work in progress! Parenting throws us curve balls left and right, and sometimes it feels like we're juggling more than we can handle. Showing yourself kindness means taking breaks when you need them, asking for help when it's necessary, and remembering that perfection isn't the goal here - it's doing the best you can in the moment.

Positive affirmations

Having a mantra you can mutter under your breath can really help when you’re going through a tough patch, or when other people’s expectations are weighing on your mind

“I’m not alone - other mums are up too with their babies.”

“My baby isn’t giving me a hard time - this phase of parenting is hard, and I will get through it.”

“This phase will pass - it’s not forever.”

“I am all that my baby needs right here, right now.”

Just one thing

So instead of striving for perfection or measuring your baby against others, do this one thing. It sounds simple, and it is - that’s the whole point! A simple act but it sure does pack a powerful punch! Celebrate the small victories, no matter how tiny they might seem. Like the time you dress your baby in a cute outfit and they don’t have a tsunami nappy! Or the time you managed to get out of the house to meet a friend for coffee despite being up every hour in the night with your baby. These are ALL victories worth acknowledging. 

Is all comparison bad?

Comparing ourselves to others is natural, and it's not inherently negative. It's more about how we approach it and the impact it has on us. If we discover a valuable insight that can improve our lives, that's wonderful. However, if comparison leaves us feeling inadequate, it's important to acknowledge those feelings and then let them go.

Trust your mum instinct

Learning from others can be enriching and beneficial, but it's essential to remember that every situation is unique. We all have our own difficulties, our own personal struggles. The path that someone else has taken may not necessarily be the right path for you, and that's okay. Just because your friend decided to sleep train their baby doesn’t mean you have to as well, even if they’re bemused that you’re even questioning doing so. Don’t be swayed into doing something which doesn’t align with your beliefs or instincts.  Instead of dwelling on comparisons that bring you down, it's better to focus on your own journey and what makes you and your families thrive. Stay true to yourself and your values. 

All about balance

It's about finding a healthy balance between drawing inspiration from others and maintaining our self-confidence and individuality. By doing so, we can turn comparison into a positive tool for growth and mutual support in our parenting journeys.

You’re doing great!

So, if you find yourself caught in the comparison game, remember this: you're not alone, and you're doing better than you think - way better in fact! Trust your instincts, embrace the journey with all its ups and downs, and celebrate those small victories! 

Let's turn your baby's sleep journey into something uniquely suited to your family. 

Book a 1:1 session with me here and let's focus on your specific needs and goals.

Together, we'll find the approach that works best for you and your little one.