Are you obsessing over your baby’s sleep?

What is it about our obsession with our babies' sleep? At some point or another, we all do this - How many hours of sleep at night? How many naps? When to drop a nap? Which nap schedule to follow? And so on and so forth. We are fully paid-up members of the sleep obsession club! 

I totally get it - mum of four here! 

I've done more than my fair share of sleep obsessing! But it does appear to be THE topic of conversation among parents. Our entire sense of parenting and self-worth (and quite often how others may view us as mums) revolves around how much sleep our babies get. We are terrified that if our babies don’t get the sleep we are told they need, it will impact their sleep for the rest of their lives. They will become incurable insomniacs , never getting the right amount of rest, and relying on sleeping pills just to get by. Of course, these fears are unfounded. 

Reality check time

It’s completely normal for babies to wake during the night; it’s how they’re wired, and for young babies, it’s also a safety mechanism. But that doesn’t mean you have to wait it out - accept your lot! There are, of course, many gentle and effective strategies available to support our babies’ sleep if the situation is becoming unsustainable. 

But won’t I be a better parent with more sleep? 

The idea from sleep trainers that you’ll be a significantly better parent if you manage to snag 8 uninterrupted hours of sleep. Sure, a good night’s rest might make you more patient, calm, and tolerant, but does that alone define good parenting? I’d argue that sleep is just one piece of the puzzle—stress from work, finances, relationships, and our overall environment all play significant roles in shaping us as parents. Placing excessive emphasis on sleep only adds to the pressure on already overwhelmed parents, seemingly demanding them to 'get their lives in order'

So what can we do to move ourselves away from this?

Things to stop

Firstly, cut down on the Googling! Stop buying those baby sleep books that promise overnight fixes. Unfollow those Instagram pages that only add stress and make you doubt yourself with their often nonsensical advice. While there are plenty of great sleep coaches out there, stick with the ones your instincts tell you are trustworthy and you actually like!

Expectations 

Consider what is typical for your baby’s age. What should you really expect from your baby? While every baby is unique, understanding what is generally average can provide valuable context for your baby’s sleep patterns. Do you actually need to address anything about their sleep, or is it perhaps your expectations that need adjusting?

However, I'm not suggesting that dealing with your baby waking frequently at night isn't challenging or that there's nothing you can do about it—because you can. There are plenty of gentle strategies you can implement. Sometimes, though, knowing that what you're experiencing with your baby is normal can be comforting. Finding solidarity with other parents who are going through similar experiences can be reassuring and provide the encouragement you need to keep going.

Things to Let Go Of

Forget wake windows, sleep schedules, and sleep apps - ALL the generic tools and apps. None of these can truly understand your baby as you baby is unique. Only you truly know your baby. Mothers have been caring for babies for millennia, long before these modern trappings of motherhood existed, and they have done so very successfully! 

Tune into your baby instead. Watch for their individual sleep cues and trust your instincts. You know your baby far better than you realise - have confidence in yourself!"

And Another Thing to Let Go Of

Put away the clock, watch, or whatever you use to track time during the night. I was fixated on counting how many hours my babies slept between feeds, how long each feed lasted, and how quickly they settled back to sleep afterward. Night after night, I would compare and desperately hope for 'improvement.'

However, sleep doesn’t follow a straight line. All this did was either falsely raise my hopes for more sleep or discourage me when it seemed like sleep was getting worse. 

This one simple tip of ditching clock watching, can make a significant difference in how you perceive your baby’s sleep. Focus on the present moment, not on what might or might not happen tomorrow, next week, or next month.

You. yes you!

What can you do to help yourself? Yes, of course, getting an uninterrupted night's sleep would make a difference, but I'm talking about things that are within YOUR immediate control.

• Ensure your sleeping environment supports restfulness. Transform your bedroom into a sanctuary where you eagerly retreat, a place to truly relax. Consider aligning your bedtime with your baby's—it's temporary, just for this phase.

• Rest whenever possible during the day. It's easy to feel overwhelmed with the idea of doing everything, but you don't have to, really. Taking breaks is not just self-care; it's essential. Treat it as you would showering, eating, and drinking.

• Establish your own routine. Whether it's waking up at the same time daily, showering, or having breakfast—having a morning routine can set a positive tone for the day, even after a rough night. It helps you feel in control, at least during that part of your day.

If it’s all becoming overwhelming, confusing, and you’re starting to feel you’re not coping, please seek professional help. Your mental health must be a top priority. 

Looking at Sleep Through a Different Lens

Let’s take a moment to step back and reflect on what we're truly obsessing over when it comes to sleep. It’s often more about our own sleep than our babies'. It's not our babies who have a problem waking in the night; it's us as parents who struggle with it. In fact, it's completely normal for babies to do so. Therefore, the issue isn't that our babies need fixing; rather, it's about us examining how we can support ourselves.

Let's redirect this obsession towards focusing on our own well-being and trusting our instincts in supporting our babies to sleep in the way which is best for them. 

Ready for personalised support?

If you feel you need more personalised guidance and support in improving your baby’s sleep, then I can help!

With a 1:1 consultation, we can create a tailored approach that works for you and your baby, addressing your unique needs and helping you feel more confident and, most importantly, get more sleep!

Click here to book your consultation now and take the first step towards a better sleep for both you and your baby.