Sharing is Caring!

Not a phrase that resonates with toddlers! ‘Mine’ is on repeat with pretty much every little one in the land! In their defence toddlers simply do not understand the concept of sharing. 

A sense of self is just starting to grow in a toddler so hanging onto things with all their might is part of them figuring out who they are as an individual. They are beginning to establish their own identity separate from their primary caregivers.

To truly share a child must have the ability to empathise with the other party. Research varies as to when a child develops empathy, anything from between 2 years to 6 years of age. So it’s unrealistic to expect a child under the age of 2, or even 3 years, to share willingly. 

Children under the age of 2 years of age parallel play. It may appear they are playing together whereas in fact they are playing independently, alongside each other. They are focused on their own toys and are completely self-centred. If they want a toy the other child has they are inclined just to take it! The feelings or needs of this child do not even enter their thoughts. 

Like every other developmental stage, there is no norm. Some children will share at a younger age than others and some children will struggle to share even when they are much older. You know your child best so you’ll know when they are socially and emotionally ready to start sharing.

Here are some ways you can support your child in learning to share, 

Good role model 

Be a good sharer yourself! Point out to your toddler when you share something. “Mummy is going to share her gloves with grandma”. And of course share with your toddler! “Would you like to share some of mummy’s crisps?” Intangibles like stories and feelings can also be shown to be shared. An invaluable lesson to your toddler is witnessing the adults in their life compromising, and placing more importance on giving rather than receiving. 

Respect their wishes

It’s important to respect your child’s choices as to what they are willing to share. Undoubtedly your child will find it easier to share with a quieter calmer child than a more destructive one! When my children were small I would help them hide away any special toys before a playdate ensuring that anything in sight or reach was a free for all! 

Turn taking

There’s no need to make a big deal of this, just incorporate it into your normal day. They choose a book and then you select one. Take turns in turning the next page or opening flaps. Incorporate turn taking in constructing a brick tower or whizzing cars down a track. Out on a walk take turns splashing in a puddle. 

Words

Help your toddler with the words for feelings by modelling phrases. “I can see you’re feeling sad because Emily has the ball. It will be your turn next.” “I think Jack will smile and feel happy if you give him his book back.” 

Timer 

This was a game changer when I was a childminder. Young children have no real concept of time so setting the timer gives them a visual view of the passage of time. It helps to reassure them that the other child with the prized toy won’t have it forever! 

Acknowledge sharing 

Praise your toddler when they do share. Try to be specific with your acknowledgement and use descriptive phrases. Tell your toddler how they have made the other child happy and how happy you are too with their behaviour, “I saw how happy Sam looked when you gave him the train. Did you see him smile?” 

Sharing Opportunities

There are many ways in which you can use an activity or a particular scenario to encourage sharing. Baking biscuits to take when visiting friends or relatives, an older child sharing with their toddler sibling comes across as a good role model, sharing a bag of food for the ducks and making sure the food is distributed fairly! 

Doing nothing!

Sounds a bit ‘radical’ but hear me out! Resist the urge to step in as soon as a disagreement over a toy starts to bubble up between two toddlers. You never know they might surprise you and come to a mutual arrangement. However if the ‘discussion’ descends into physicality then take that as your cue to wade in! 

When you are feeling the pain of reiterating sharing for the umteenth time remember this ;

Sharing plays an integral part in your toddler’s social and emotional development. You are helping them to build healthy positive relationships which will contribute towards their happiness and mental well-being throughout their whole life.