How to improve baby sleep: The 3 key factors every parent should know
Sleep is a tricky beast, isn’t it? Well, that might be an understatement if you’re deep in the trenches of baby sleep deprivation!
I think we can all agree that it’s impossible to pinpoint one magic solution that guarantees better baby sleep. And let’s face it if there was, we’d all be getting full nights of rest by now!
But after some serious reflection, I’ve boiled it down to three major factors that I believe play a big role in helping babies sleep better.
Curious to know what they are? Here we go!
Number 1 : Timing
When it comes to baby sleep, timing is everything. If your little one stays awake for too long before a nap, they may become irritable and have difficulty settling down. On the other hand, attempting to put them down for a nap before they’re ready could lead to resistance.
And this is where a lot of confusion and lack of confidence comes into play. Time and time again, when I talk to mums, I hear the same thing: they feel unsure about trusting their instincts regarding sleep, and it’s often due to all the conflicting advice out there.
There’s so much pressure these days to follow exact sleep schedules, wake windows, and “sleep plans” put out by baby sleep experts. We’re told that if we don’t follow these precise rules, we risk our babies becoming overtired—and that’s a fear I hear constantly.
It’s completely understandable to want to ensure your baby gets the right amount of sleep. But let’s talk about the misconceptions about baby sleep here.
The fear that if we don’t hit these exact sleep targets, it will somehow ruin our baby’s sleep forever is just that—fear. There’s this idea that missing a nap or pushing bedtime too late will somehow cause long-term sleep problems, developmental delays, or even result in future sleep disorders. But in reality, this isn’t the case.
Here’s my advice,
Tune into your baby. Look for their unique tired signs. I get it—some babies don’t have clear tired signs, and that can make it harder to pinpoint when they need sleep. But remember: you know your baby better than anyone. You’ll start to sense when they’re becoming tired.
Additionally, it’s important to ensure that the last nap of the day isn’t too close to bedtime. Insufficient sleep pressure (the drive to fall asleep the longer we’re awake) might lead to an evening with an energetic little companion!
And if you miss those signs and your baby gets overtired? Don’t panic. It’s not the end of the world. Yes, they might be emotionally dysregulated, and yes, it might take a little longer to calm them down to fall asleep, but they will! They’re not broken. They won’t be scarred for life. Just reset, and tomorrow is a new day.
Number 2 : Temperament
When it comes to baby sleep, temperament plays a big role—often a far bigger one than many realize. Some babies are naturally great sleepers, while others are more sensitive and need extra comfort. All babies are a lot of work, of course, but some undeniably need more attention and patience.
If your baby seems especially sensitive, it’s not a reflection of anything you’re doing “wrong.” It’s just their unique temperament. Sensitivity in babies is largely genetic, and while we don’t want to define children by labels, recognizing these traits early can help you feel more confident and connected to your baby’s needs. This is why it’s so important to remember that how your baby sleeps isn’t a reflection of your parenting—these traits are simply there from birth!
For example, a laid-back baby might easily fall back asleep on their own if they stir at night, as long as their basic needs are met. However, a more sensitive baby often needs extra support, even if all their needs are met. So, if your friend’s baby seems to sleep soundly while yours needs more comforting, it’s not that they’ve uncovered a hidden secret to baby sleep. They probably just have a naturally easier-going baby.
Start with simplicity: Small adjustments, big impact
Babies with a more alert or sensitive temperament often need extra help finding calm. Simple, gradual changes can make a big difference. Begin by noticing what soothes your baby best—a gentle pat, a soft shush, or a slow rocking motion—and try incorporating this consistently.
Trust your instincts to respond
If you find that responding promptly to your baby’s cries helps calm them down before they become too distressed, trust that instinct. Sensitive babies often escalate quickly, making it harder to soothe them once fully upset. It can be hard to ignore judgmental looks or comments from others, but remember: your response is both appropriate and essential for your baby’s comfort.
Create a calm environment, not a strict schedule
A consistent, soothing bedtime environment can work wonders. Aim for a gentle routine rather than a rigid schedule that could add unnecessary stress. Babies can pick up on our energy, so a calm, flexible approach can help both you and your baby feel more relaxed.
For some babies, baby massage works beautifully to promote relaxation. It can be a simple yet powerful addition to your evening routine, helping signal that it’s time for sleep in a soothing way.
Temperament matters - Yours and your baby’s
It’s also important to consider your own temperament. Just as every baby has their own sleep needs, every parent brings a unique approach to bedtime. One mum may have endless patience for rocking her baby to sleep, while another may be skilled at setting up a cozy bedtime routine.
Personally, I often struggled with patience, especially at bedtime. I’d try to rush through the process, hoping for a quick wind-down, but my baby could sense my mood, which often had the opposite effect. Over time, I learned that each of us brings something different to the table, and that’s part of what makes our parenting journeys so personal and unique.
Reflect on your own temperament and consider small adjustments that make bedtime more manageable. For me, doing a few household chores before bedtime allowed me to be more present with my little one, creating a calmer experience for us both.
Celebrate your baby’s unique traits
Finally, remember that all those qualities that make sleep a little trickier now—like sensitivity, persistence, and curiosity—will likely become strengths as your child grows. Embracing these traits can help you foster confidence and resilience in your child over time.
Number 3 – Calm
It’s all about calm - for both you and your baby! This often-overlooked element is actually one of the most important when it comes to promoting better baby sleep and a peaceful bedtime environment.
When discussing baby sleep, we tend to focus on techniques, routines, or specific sleep methods. But without a foundation of calm, these strategies are unlikely to be as effective. Calmness creates the ideal conditions for relaxation, making it easier for everyone to drift off to sleep and stay asleep. Let’s dive into why calmness is essential for better sleep and how you can foster it.
The science of calm
Let’s get a bit science-y here!
Learning to calm down or ‘self-soothe’ is a skill that takes years to develop. The prefrontal cortex - the part of the brain responsible for emotional regulation, decision-making, and impulse control - grows gradually. It continues to develop throughout childhood and doesn’t fully mature until our mid-twenties. So, expecting a baby or even a young child to fully calm themselves is unrealistic; they rely on us to help them reach a calm state.
To fall asleep, our bodies need to shift from alertness to relaxation, which is where the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) comes in. Think of the PNS as your body’s ‘chill-out mode’ - it’s all about ‘rest and digest’. When activated, it helps us relax, slow down our heart rate, and prepare for a good night’s sleep. On the flip side, the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) activates during times of stress or excitement, keeping us on high alert with the ‘fight or flight’ response.
For babies to sleep well, activating that calming PNS is essential. Creating a soothing environment and being responsive to your baby’s needs help both of you achieve that calm, peaceful state, setting the stage for better sleep.
Tips to create calm for you and your baby
Prepare yourself: Gather everything you might need to help your baby settle to sleep, but don’t forget yourself! Have a glass of water nearby, maybe put on a calming podcast, and make sure you’re comfortable, too.
Slow down: Move steadily and calmly—babies often take their cues from us, so try to be the serene presence they need.
Gentle voice: Keep your voice low and soothing, setting a peaceful tone.
Relax your body: Make eye contact with your baby and smile. Your calm demeanor can be contagious.
Gentle movement: Rock or sway your baby, or try rhythmic, gentle patting on their back, tummy, or bum.
Music or singing: A familiar lullaby, humming, or calming music can be a soothing influence on your baby.
Change of scene: Sometimes, a change in scenery can do wonders. Walk around the house with your baby, or step outside for fresh air—it’s often a quick reset for both of you.
Focus on calm, not sleep
The key takeaway here is to focus on achieving calm first, rather than making sleep the immediate goal. Once you’ve both reached a calm state, sleep is likely to follow naturally. Calmness isn’t a one-time fix - it needs regular nurturing! But when you give it that gentle attention, it can make a world of difference for your baby’s sleep - and yours, too.
