Christmas with Children: A Stress-Free Guide to Handling Family Visits
Pencilling in a visit to relatives at Christmas can feel like something to look forward to - visions of family gathered together, enjoying good food and great conversation. But let’s face it, the reality with young children in the mix can be a whole other story!
As a mum of four I’ve been there! From juggling disrupted naps to managing those well-meaning but frustrating comments about “picky eating,” what’s meant to be a relaxing and joyful experience can quickly become overwhelming.
Managing overstimulation during family gatherings
Family celebrations can be exciting for us but overwhelming for little ones, especially when they're not used to the bustle, noise, and new faces. As parents, it’s normal to worry about overstimulation during festive get-togethers. A little planning can go a long way in helping your child (and you!) manage the chaos more comfortably.
1. Create a quiet retreat space
Having a designated quiet area for your child to decompress can be a lifesaver. Whether it’s a quiet bedroom, a cosy corner, or even a pram in a hallway, this space offers a break from the lively atmosphere. Bring along comforting items like their favourite blanket, toy, or comforter to help them feel secure and soothed.
2. Look for signs of overstimulation
Babies and young children often show signs of sensory overload before becoming overwhelmed. Watch for cues like fussiness, turning away from people, or difficulty focusing. If you notice these, step in early with some downtime to prevent escalation.
3. Take breaks as needed
If the atmosphere gets too much, take a breather. Let relatives know with a quick, “I’m going to step out with [child’s name] for a bit - they just need a little quiet time.” This helps you reset your child’s energy while gently managing expectations from others.
Family gatherings don’t have to be all-or-nothing. By pacing yourselves and responding to your child’s needs, you’re setting the stage for a more enjoyable experience for everyone.
Handling unsolicited advice
The holidays often come with a side of well-meaning but unsolicited advice from family members. From comments about your routines to outdated parenting tips, these interactions can leave you feeling second-guessed and frustrated. But remember: you are the expert on your child.
Most comments come from a place of love and care - though it may be delivered with a “back in my day” flair. While intentions are good, the comments can still sting, especially when they challenge your parenting choices and you’re feeling on the edge!
Here are some tried and tested strategies,
1. Smile and redirect
A warm smile can go a long way in diffusing tension. Sometimes, changing the subject is the easiest way to move forward.
Example: “Thanks for the suggestion! So, how are you settling into your new home?”
2. Share context
Providing a little insight into your approach can sometimes help understanding.
Example: “We’ve found that sticking to her nap routine helps everyone enjoy Christmas more.”
3. Standing firm!
It’s perfectly okay to politely shut down a conversation that feels overwhelming or unhelpful. You can acknowledge their intentions while affirming your choices.
Example: “That’s great you found what worked for you! We’ve chosen a different approach that really suits our little one.”
Remind yourself that every child is different, and just because a method worked for your mother-in-law 30 years ago doesn’t mean it will work for you! Confidently handling these moments not only shows respect for others but reassures yourself that you’ve got this under control!
Food woes
Ah, food - one of the most common challenges when visiting family - especially when your little one turns their nose up at everything offered! What can be most stressful, though, isn’t your child’s reaction - it’s the looks and comments from other adults!
As a mum, I’ve been there: justifying why my child wasn’t devouring their plate, focusing more on easing others’ embarrassment than supporting my child. It’s easy to forget that children have their own preferences - likes and dislikes - just like adults.
Let’s reframe how we handle mealtime stress:
1. Remember the adults can deal with their own emotions
That’s a ‘them problem’! It’s not your job to manage how others feel about your child’s eating habits. Focus on your little one and their needs- they’re the priority.
2. Bring familiar food
If you anticipate issues, bring along food you know your child loves. Even something as simple as mac and cheese can differ wildly from house to house, and children notice! Having a familiar favourite on hand can make the experience less overwhelming for them.
3. Take control of portions
Well-meaning relatives often serve large portions that can feel intimidating to kids. Plate your child’s food yourself, ensuring there’s some ‘safe food' (things you know they’ll eat) alongside any new items. Limit unfamiliar food to just one or two options.
4. Suggest a buffet-style meal
If you have a say in the menu, a buffet setup can be a lifesaver. It’s less pressurising for children and allows them to choose what they want, often leading to better eating.
5. Keep perspective on comments and looks
Those passing remarks or raised eyebrows? They’re fleeting and often not worth your energy. Remember, you know your child best, and their eating habits are a reflection of their development, not your parenting skills.
Managing naps
Family gatherings often come with unpredictability, and naps can quickly become a source of stress when the usual routine goes out the window. Whether your baby is adaptable or more sensitive to changes in their environment, here’s how to approach naps with confidence during busy holiday visits.
1. Practice flexibility beforehand
If your baby is used to napping in a cot but you’re concerned about naps on the go, try easing them into it before your visit. Practise one nap a day in a carrier, pram, or even the car. This way, they become more comfortable with different nap settings, giving you added flexibility.
2. Don’t sweat ‘imperfect’ naps
A missed or shorter nap isn’t the end of the world. If naps go a bit off track, simply plan for a quieter day afterward to let your little one rest and reset. Staying calm about naps will help you approach the situation with less stress, which your baby will sense too!
3. All naps count
A nap is a nap, no matter where it happens - whether in a buggy, car seat, on you, or even during a family cuddle. They all provide rest and help recharge your baby’s energy.
4. Provide the opportunity
Remember, your job is to create the conditions for sleep, but it’s your baby’s job to decide whether or not to take it. You can’t force them to sleep, even if you know they need it! The best you can do is set the stage for sleep and the rest is up to your little one!
Embracing traditions without the pressure
Family traditions are a big part of the holiday season, but when you're parenting young children, they can sometimes feel more like a challenge than a joy. It’s not always easy to juggle your child’s needs with the expectations of traditional gatherings, especially if those traditions don’t exactly align with your current stage of parenting.
Maybe it’s the late Christmas dinner that coincides with your baby's bedtime, or the desire to have everyone stay over when your child sleeps best in their own bed. The good news is that traditions can adapt to work for your family’s needs, without losing their charm.
1. Communicate early
Be clear with relatives about your plans. A simple, “We’d love to join you for Christmas dinner, but we’ll need to head home early for bedtime” helps set expectations and avoids unnecessary stress.
2. Offer alternatives
Traditions don’t have to be rigid. Small changes can make them more child-friendly. Could you switch a noisy restaurant meal to a takeaway at home? Or create a quiet space for naps during the festivities?
3. Be flexible when it feels right
Some traditions might be worth bending the rules for, like a special outing to a candlelit carol service. But others, like an overabundance of sugary treats, might be best avoided! Trust your instincts to decide what’s worth sticking to and what’s okay to let go of.
Get outside for a reset
Sometimes, the best way to navigate the chaos of a family visit is to simply step outside. Whether it’s for your little one’s nap or just to take a breather, a quick trip outdoors can work wonders for both of you.
If your family isn’t in the habit of heading out, feel free to make up an excuse if needed: “The baby needs a nap” or “(Child’s name) could do with a run around.” A short walk or time outside can provide a much-needed reset, helping your child sleep or let off steam, and giving you a moment to ground yourself amidst the hustle and bustle. For me, this was always a go-to strategy. Not only did it help soothe my little ones, but I found I could get through the rest of the day with more calm and patience. Even 30 minutes outside can make a noticeable difference. Fresh air, daylight, and change of scenery always seems to do wonders for our moods.
Wrapping up
At the end of the day, family visits during the holidays are about connection, creating memories, and doing what’s best for your little one. Yes, things might not always go according to plan - whether it’s missed naps, picky eating, or overstimulation - but by keeping calm, staying flexible, and knowing when to stand your ground, you can make the most of your festive time.
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. You don’t have to follow every tradition or meet every expectation. What matters is that you, your little one, and the whole family enjoy the time together. Take a deep breath, focus on what works for your family, and roll with the inevitable bumps along the way!
