Sibling Rivalry : The Toddler Edition
Sibling showdowns! Navigating the turbulent waters of sibling rivalry can leave you feeling exhausted, upset and basically gets on your nerves! It can have a real negative impact on family life. I know, I’ve been there!
Toddler sibling rivalry
Young children competing for the attention, resources, and affection from their parents or caregivers is a common occurence in many families.
Why is it common for toddlers to have conflicts with their siblings?
🧒 Limited language
Toddlers are still developing their language and communication skills. They often struggle to express their needs, emotions, and frustrations using words.
🧒 Attention seekers
Toddlers crave attention from their parents or carers. When a new sibling enters the picture, they may feel threatened by the attention the baby receives.
🧒 Mine!
Toddlers are still learning about sharing and cooperation. They have a strong sense of ownership over their belongings and may struggle to share toys, space, or attention with their siblings.
🧒 All about me!
Toddlers are in the early stages of developing a sense of self. They want to assert their independence and control over their environment. Having a sibling, especially one close in age, can be seen as a threat to their rights, leading to power struggles.
🧒 Routine
Toddlers can struggle with their behaviour when routines are a bit over the place. When expectations aren’t clear your toddler will test the boundaries! If there needs to be a change to your toddler’s usual routine, prepare them well in advance and make clear what you expect from them.
How do I deal with sibling rivalry?
Managing toddler sibling rivalry can be challenging, but with some strategies and patience, you can help create a more harmonious environment for your family. Here are some tips to manage toddler sibling rivalry:
👩👦 Individual attention
Spend quality time with each child individually to make them feel valued and loved. This helps reduce feelings of competition for attention. Just ten minutes a day can make all the difference.
👩👦 Encourage teamwork
Create activities that require both children to work together, such as building a puzzle or playing a board game. This fosters a sense of cooperation and strengthens their bond.
👩👦 Managing their emotions
Acknowledge their feelings whilst holding firm with the boundaries. For example, your toddler has hit their sibling. You say to your toddler, “I know you’re feeling cross but it’s not OK to hit. I’m moving X away now to keep him safe.” Give the injured party plenty of attention. A little later, once your toddler has calmed down, talk about how they felt and what they could do next time to manage those feelings.
👩👦 Be a positive role model
Children learn best from observing the actions of those they love best.
👩👦 Inequality vs unfairness
Your toddler needs to learn from you that there will be times when what they can do versus what their older sibling can do will not be the same but this is not unfair. For example their older sibling has swimming lessons but they don’t and that makes them mad! Explain that different ages have different levels of what they can do and can not do. They’ll soon understand that when they’re old enough they’ll do the things they want to do. It’s a learning curve, for sure!
👩👦 Try to remain calm and patient
When you struggle with the toddler drama, (because you will!) take a breather away from the situation for a moment or two, if at all possible.
👩👦 You!
Don’t forget you. Block out time for your own self-care. It’s important that you get regular breaks as it’s physically and mentally draining being on full time alert to refereeing the conflicts.
And remember, sibling rivalry is NOT your fault.
It’s a normal part of growing up and it usually improves as your children mature.
When they do show love and compassion for each other, it will make all that hard work you put in so worthwhile.
