Keep calm and parent on - how to manage parental stress
Parenthood is a remarkable journey filled with joy, love, and countless memorable moments. However, it is also relentless, repetitive and downright tiresome! Parenting comes with more than its fair share of challenges which you’re told you need to deal with calmly, confidently and capably.
And this is the thing. When you’re facing the umpteenth tantrum of the day or your baby is refusing to go down for a nap you know they desperately need, it’s incredibly hard to be that calm, confident and capable parent.
You will feel your stress levels rising, you will become frustrated, you will have a cry. That is normal.
Ok, so you acknowledge that stress is an inevitable part of raising babies and toddlers, then what? How do you actually address this stress so it doesn’t negatively impact your well-being and the well-being of those around you, AND also provide the best care for your little one?
You may be lucky enough to have hands-on support from family members and friends giving you opportunities for some self-care. But I know a lot of parents don’t. They may be with their child 24/7, raising their child single-handedly, working long hours to make ends meet, managing health issues - the list goes on. This makes managing stress levels even harder.
I’m going to be honest, there is no one easy solution. However there are simple practical strategies that you can put into place to help you effectively manage stress when you are coping with parenthood with little or no support from others.
I know just the thought of making a change can be overwhelming so let’s break it down into smaller chunks.
Focus on the good
Seek out warm and caring interactions. Whether that be a smile from your child or an act of kindness, looking on the bright side of life has shown to push the brain into a place of calmness and well-being.
Be your future friend
If you know a certain situation is going to cause you stress then think why. Why does it have that effect on you? Is there something you can do in advance to prevent or minimise the stress? Does your toddler have a particular toy they don’t like sharing? Pop it out of sight during playdates.
Allow more time than you think
It’s common for us humans to underestimate how long it will take us to do something. And of course with children involved it undoubtedly will! Toddlers in particular take longer to react and do things slowly. Even allowing just a few extra minutes can make all the difference.
Prioritise Self-Care
Set aside time each day for an activity that brings you joy and relaxation.
🍃 Find a gap in your day where you could read a few pages of a book.
🍃 Bundle up your little one in the pushchair, plug yourself into your favourite podcast and go out for a stroll. Exercise helps protect the body against stress. It boosts your mood and can lower your anxiety levels.
🍃 Can’t get outdoors regularly? Research has shown that even looking at pictures of natural scenes can reduce stress.
🍃 Have a quick soak in the bath.
It’s not being selfish to take good care of yourself. When you take care of yourself, you're better equipped to handle the challenges that come with parenting.
Take micro mindfulness breaks
These should literally only take a few minutes and can really help in times of stress!
🧘🏻♂️ Hiding in the bathroom for a few minutes to take deep breaths.
🧘🏻♂️ Sitting in your car after food shopping…..alone….with a bar of chocolate!
🧘🏻♂️Self massage can help promote the release of oxytocin (the ‘love hormone’ or ‘bonding hormone’) in the body. Here’s a simple one to try - rub your palms together to generate warmth, and then use your thumb to apply pressure to the palm of your opposite hand. Massage in circular motions, focusing on the fleshy areas between your thumb and fingers.
🧘🏻♂️ Breathing exercises have been shown to have calming benefits and help reduce stress. Alternative nose breathing is a yoga based technique which can bring a sense of peace and clarity.
Find a comfortable seated position, either on the floor or in a chair, with your spine straight and shoulders relaxed.
Gently close your right nostril with your right thumb and inhale slowly and deeply through your left nostril.
Once you've completed the inhalation, close the left nostril with your ring finger so both nostrils are held closed.
Retain your breath at the top of the inhale for a brief pause.
Release your right thumb from the right nostril and exhale smoothly and completely through your right nostril.
Pause briefly at the bottom of the exhale.
After the exhalation, inhale through your right nostril while keeping your left nostril closed.
Hold both nostrils closed
Open your left nostril and release breath slowly through the left side. Pause briefly at the bottom.
Continue the pattern.
Aim for equal duration of inhalation and exhalation, keeping the breath smooth and steady throughout the practice.
Repeat this process for about 5 to 10 minutes or as long as you feel comfortabl
Establish a support network
Surrounding yourself with understanding and empathetic individuals can provide a sense of community and emotional support. Reach out to others who are going through similar experiences, whether through parent groups or online groups. Sharing your joys, concerns, and challenges can alleviate stress and provide fresh perspectives.
Set Realistic Expectations
Parenting often comes with a multitude of expectations, both self-imposed and societal.
Firstly acknowledge that you can't do it all and no-one, absolutely no-one, is getting it right all of the time. Set realistic expectations for yourself and your child, understanding that each child develops at their own pace.
Celebrate small victories, accept imperfections and focus on progress rather than perfection.
Remember, small changes add up over time. Experiment with different strategies and find what works best for you.
Life is hard at times, so taking care of yourself is an integral part of being the best parent you can be.
